Chances are you’re totally normal, but here’s what you should know just in case.

Let’s be honest, most of us aren’t orgasming machines every time we have sex. Whether you’re having trouble reaching your full potential or the usual foreplay just isn’t doing it for you, sometimes you just feel… off.

And that’s completely normal, says certified sex therapist Kat Van Kirk, “Orgasms can be affected by many variables, from hormonal fluctuations, to how we feel about our relationship, to work stress,” she says.

But how do you know whether your O is just going through a rough patch or it’s something more serious? Van Kirk and board-certified clinical sexologist Debra Laino say these are big indicators that it’s time to try a home remedy or get some help from a pro…

You’re Stressed About It

Worrying about not being able to orgasm can have a direct impact on your ability to orgasm. Annoying, right? “Spending too much time focusing on having an orgasm leads to performance anxiety and stress,” says Laino. Not only that, zeroing in on the end result (i.e. whether or not you finish), makes you less likely to enjoy sex.

Read More: 19 Totally Mind-Blowing Orgasm Facts

Instead of keeping your eye on the prize, she recommends concentrating on the pleasure you feel in your body. If an orgasm happens – great. If not, at least you enjoyed the ride.

You Fake It on the Regular

While you’re probably putting on a show with the best of intentions (i.e. you don’t want to hurt his feelings), it’s not doing you or your partner any favours. “If you have a pattern of faking orgasms, you may want to look at how and why you aren’t getting the stimulation you need,” says Van Kirk.

Read More: 3 Things You Should Know About The Male Orgasm

If sex just isn’t doing it for you, Laino recommends a little self-love to explore what gets you off. Then, you can guide your guy to help him hit the right spots. You can also bring a vibrator into the mix to help show him what feels good, she says.

You’re Embarrassed

There’s no shame in not being able to orgasm – and Van Kirk says you should talk to your partner about it if you’re having trouble.

“Feeling uncomfortable about discussing why you’re not reaching the O with your partner may indicate that you need to work on communication with each other,” says Van Kirk. Talking about your lack of grand finale can help you figure out the kind of stimulation you need to reach the finish line, she says.

Read More: 10 Ways To Have Better, Stronger Orgasms

To get the ball rolling, just be honest and say, “I haven’t been orgasming as much lately,” and suggest that you experiment together in bed to find a solution. Odds are, he’ll be psyched to try some new things.

You’re Having Sex But No O

Sure, a bunch of factors can mess up your ability to orgasm, but Laino says you’re entering red flag territory if you’re having sex at least once a week and haven’t had an orgasm in two months (that’s if you’ve been able to reach O-town on the reg before). The same is true if you have sex several times a week and haven’t orgasmed in weeks.

It may be as simple as pinpointing your stressors and making an effort to relax. But if you’re still struggling, it may be time to bring out the big guns – a.k.a. a sex counsellor.

“If you’ve tried to troubleshoot some of these issues on your own but find that your orgasm is elusive months later, it’s probably time to talk to a sex therapist,” says Van Kirk.

Looking more information? This is what actually happens to your brain and body when you reach the big O.

This article was originally published on www.womenshealthmag.com