It’s very difficult to climax during sex when it’s over after thirty seconds. The condition is called premature ejaculation (PE). Academically PE has been defined and redefined over and over again. A recent large multinational study found that the average time it takes a man to come after inserting the penis is 5.4 minutes. About one in eight men will come before three minutes and about one in four can last for longer than ten minutes.
“In practice, I have found that the self-diagnosis of PE is very subjective,” says sexpert Dr. Elna Rudolph. “Just yesterday I had a man who complained that he is now lasting less than 10 minutes and is not able to get an erection immediately after coming anymore. By most standards, that’s pretty impressive. The perceived decreased ability is just a function of normal ageing, but it is distressing for the patient nonetheless.”
Talking to your man about PE can be quit challenging. If he is not saying anything about it, it can be very difficult to approach him with suggestions — do it subtly. Chances are that he has been worried about this for a long time and that he will welcome your suggestions. Men don’t like to admit if they are not the studs they are pretending to be in the bedroom, therefore they don’t get help for things that can be solved easily.
So, what can you do if your man is coming too quickly?
1. Condoms
Theoretically it takes away some sensation (although we are all trying to convince men that it doesn’t). According to a recent study, condoms don’t make any difference in long-term heterosexual partnerships.
READ MORE: 10 Things You Never Knew About Erections
2. Local Anesthetic
In the form of a spray, cream or gel, it will numb the area, thus making him last longer. Put it over the glans of the penis, especially the frenulum (little skin tag at the back, which is the most sensitive part). It’s better to use a condom with it — you don’t want your sensitive parts to be numbed too! You can buy brands like STUD100 from sex shops or ask your pharmacist for a local anaesthetic cream or gel. “I prescribe Remicaine Jelly which contains 2% lidocaine or Emla Cream which contains 5% lignocaine,” says Rudolph.
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3. The stop-start technique
This involves thrusting up to the point just before he is about to come and stopping until he has regained control, then starting again, repeating the process three or four times. This teaches him to last longer, especially if their is a psychological cause for his PE. He can also practice this by himself if even mild thrusting is impossible.
READ MORE: 6 Ways To Hit The ‘Refresh’ Button On Your Foreplay Game
4. An SSRI
This is a class of anti-depressants which is actually used for its side-effect of causing delayed ejaculation in normal individuals. He will have to get a prescription for this from his GP, so naturally this is not your first option. This treatment is very effective — it usually doubles the time he takes to come.
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5. A PDE5 Inhibitor
AKA Viagra, Levitra or Cialis. Men often come too quickly because they cannot maintain their erections. Treating the erectile dysfunction, improves the PE as well. Make sure your man does not have a problem in that department. “Remember: that could be a early warning sign for heart disease, so make sure he gets checked out,” Says Rudolph.
Looking for more advice on how to deal with his ‘manhood’? Here are 10 things you should never, ever do to his crown jewels AKA his balls.
