When most people think of sex, they generally think of two things: foreplay (the realm of kissing, touching and oral pleasure), and the act of getting down and dirty. However, sex and intimacy are more than what we do between the sheets. It’s about what we see, smell, taste, touch and hear…

Most people tend to focus on the goals of sex – feeling desire for it, arousal, and reaching the big “O”. But putting these things first actually detracts from the pleasure of it, not the performance.

The shift in your focus needs to move from the destination to the journey. When we focus on the performance, pressure mounts. The combination of pressure and sex generally lead to a total ‘systems failure’. Pleasure-focused sex enables you and your lover to get hot and heated while still enjoying the moment, without the pressure; to enjoy the intimacy and each other’s undivided attention.

So how do we learn to focus on what really counts instead of zoning in on performance? Well, we need to engage with all of our senses like this…

Sight

The eyes. Our windows to soul and also to our pants! What we see is often the first trigger for our sexual desire and arousal. Red lips, high heels, a naked chest – it can all be sexual. What we see does not just refer to our line of vision, it’s about what we picture in our heads when we fantasise. It’s no wonder our brain is considered our most powerful sexual organ. Our imagination and our reality are some of the important elements that increase our satisfaction during sex.

Engage the sense of sight by giving your partner a sexy striptease, or by undressing seductively. If this sort of thing makes you a little embarrassed, try doing it in your head, or picture a sexual experience you’ve shared that you found really exciting.

Sound

It’s a well-known fact that women express themselves more during sex than men, but this doesn’t mean that you have to express your pleasure by screaming at the top of your lungs. You can easily engage this when being naughty by simply making sounds that ensure your lover knows exactly what you like! Try gently moaning when they kiss or touch you where you feel is sexually satisfying.

Try telling them that something feels good so that they know to do more of it. If you’re partner does something you’re not too keen on, say this to them and guide them on what you really like: “That feels so good, but it feels even hotter and sexier when you do…”

Smell

Smell plays a much more important role in sex than you’d think. Pheromones influence how we feel about a person – how sexually excited or interested we get, or how attracted to them we are. Not sure what pheromones are? They are chemicals produced by our bodies that are responsible for us finding someone that much more attractive or not, and they affect us very subtly.

Many people don’t even notice that they are attracted by someone’s smell, but research has shown that men and women can pick a partner based on what their nose is telling them. Try not to mask your pheromones with too much perfume. Use unscented body washes and only a small spritz of perfume, so as to allow your lover, or a potential one, to really engage this sense.

Taste

It’s not often that we think of taste when it comes to sex. But engaging our taste sense can really make sex much hotter and much sexier. Our taste buds are so sensitive and they easily send positive or negative messages to the brain. So, why not experiment with different tastes during sexual play? And you don’t just have to engage your partner’s taste buds alone either.

Introduce some flavoured lubricants during oral sex, eat a strawberry or watermelon before kissing your partner, or lick some chocolate or whipped cream off their body. Just make sure no food is near the vagina as if it goes inside her it can cause infection.

Touch

You may think that touch is a given during sex, but it’s possibly the most important, yet underused, sense during sexual play is touch. We so often go straight for what we know to be good – stimulating our mouths and our genitals. Rather try to engage those areas known as our erogenous zones, which are also heightened to sexual stimulation and pleasure.

Try kissing your partner’s neck, lower stomach, inner thighs or small of the back. Don’t just make sex a two-point plan (breasts and genitals). Experiment with different touches – light, soft touches or firmer, more meaningful rubs. Use massage or tease your partner by not stimulating them where they’d expect.

Taking away any of the five senses, so as to heighten the others, can be an exhilarating and sexy experience. So why not try blindfolding your partner and keeping an ice cube in your mouth as you kiss their naked body. Or try binding their hands with a silk scarf so that they cannot touch you, and can only listen and feel what you want to do to them. The more you work with a combination of the senses, the more you and your lover are likely to have the hottest and sexiest sex ever.

Information courtesy of Durex